Saturday, January 17, 2015


Grief is a multifaceted response to loss to which a bond or affection was formed, particularly to the loss of someone to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions.

Yesterday I got home from work and my hubby said "someone was killed on a road near us." He then showed me the news clip. That someone was a son of a girl in my hometown neighborhood. We would play "wedding." Melissa was usually the bride because she was the tallest and around age 13 fit into my mom's wedding dress (she was tall for her age). My friend Amy and I were the bridesmaids and my sister was the flower girl.
We would set up the wedding scene and even walk down the aisle to the music of Pachelbel Canon in D.

Fast forward nearly a decade. Melissa is in college, has a son and continues to teach piano lessons. I helped Melissa by holding little baby Lucas. He cuddled and slept the entire time. What a sweet baby, only a couple weeks old. Lucas grew and grew and grew. He played the viola, ran cross country and played basketball. About 4 years ago he struggled with a brain infection. The doctors said this infection was life threatening. He made it through that challenge only to be hit by a car yesterday while he was crossing the street to the bus stop. Lucas wanted to be a doctor and he was only fifteen.

"Grief is an emotion beyond compare. The mind doesn't rest. The body won't be still. Sleep will not come. Memories, moments, conversations, touches, hugs, hopes, dreams. He was our miracle."   My dear friend Amy put these words on her face book page recently.

Please pray for this family. They need to feel God's loving arms around them.

Isaiah 43:2 New King James Version (NKJV) When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned. Nor shall the flame scorch you.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Panic Attacks

So, after having 3 kids, 3 and under I will have to say that I have been deal with panic attacks the majority of last year. I have high anxiety during transitions and packing the kids up into the car. Maybe because we had a 97 Volvo that I packed 3 kids into the back of for several months. Oh, and maybe it was because those car seats are difficult to latch when a kid is flaring their arms. Or maybe I panicked because I was not sure if I would be able to get the 3 year old latched correctly without getting bit. I would often pray out loud "Dear God, please let me find the buckle and give me grace and strength for today."

Any time we were transitioning to go outside or go in the car, someone was throwing a temper tantrum and the baby would always cry. My heart would race and I found it difficult to breathe.  I would panic that I was going to forget something or a kid would act out and I would not be able to control them. I would panic that I am going to lose my water bottle (because when you are nursing 2 kids, you need your water!)

My husband again helped me out this past week with meeting me at the Secretary of State. Even though I do not have a baby anymore, I now have 3 walking and talking toddlers. I wear little Jonah (all 25lbs of him) on my back in the ergo just because it is easier for me in public places. He is content to watch the people. And so for the second time in my life I have been wearing a baby for my drivers license. You cannot see him but I will always know he was there.

One of the blogs I follow had a great article on Baby Boot Camp. During these toddler years I need to continue to remember to be focused on my toddlers.  They will grow someday, and someday I will have more time on my hands and less anxiety.  I found great tips in that article to put away the phone, don't go anywhere, and to just be there for my toddlers.  And that is what parenting is all about, correct? :)

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.